I have a list.....

... of all the children at school who "hate" George. They don't, but it's his perception that they do. Boys will be boys and all that... He's come home today, wound up, anxious and frustrated. He's anxious because one of the "big" boys pushed him over. This resulted in torn (ruined) school trousers and a small cut to Georges' hand. George tells me that this "big" boy always does this to him. He was worried that I would be cross because I need to get him yet another pair of school trousers. He's only been at this school for two terms and he's going through a pair of trousers per term. I suggested that, whenever possible, he avoid this boy to prevent this happening again.

He then launched himself into qualifying his statement of "everybody hates me".

"They give me a hard time because I'm different to them. They call me names like 'monkey boy' and 'freak'. I can't help it if I have ADHD. They do things to wind me up. When I do the same back to them, I get told off by the teacher and sent out of the class. Then they all laugh at me because I'm being sent out. In technology, today, two boys kept throwing my stuff on the floor. If I leave it there, it will get trodden on, or I'll get told off by the teacher because my stuff is all over the place. They kept doing it today, and I got so cross that I threw one of their pencils on the floor. I got told off for that, too. In English, they were winding me up so much I had to ask the teacher if I could be excused so that I could go into the corridor and calm down. She came out after a minute or two and told me to go back into class. I tried to explain that I hadn't calmed down. She made me go back in. It ended with her sending for the SOC (Staff on Call) and some of the class started laughing at me again because I was in trouble".

I don't think for one minute that every minute at school is traumatic for him. It is very hard, when you're struggling, to see anything positive though. And I know that George is struggling. If he was in a small school, with small classes, his behaviour would improve, because there would be less stimulus. Large classes with a lot of noisy children stress him out. He would do very well if he worked alone, in a quiet room, but it has the potential to turn him into a very solitary and lonely person.

Georges' Dad (often referred to as 'himself') works best and is very happy when he is alone. He can concentrate, has nobody else to consider but himself and achieves a lot. This gives him a sense of wellbeing. It is my belief that he suffers from ADD. He certainly exhibits a lot of the signs. However, he has learnt social skills (you would expect this from a chap in his forties) and he has lots of friends. To deprive George of his peers would also deprive him of the ability to learn social skills. It's at times like this that I could really do with a crystal ball (couldn't we all?!) I don't think that I worry too much about our youngest daughter and what her future holds. She has lots of confidence, lots of friends and seems to be doing quite well at school. Her parents evenings are always a pleasure. I worry a lot about what the future holds for George. He's been telling me for nearly two years that everybody hates him. He recognises his faults but seems powerless to do anything about them. Right now, this minute, he has the TV on. I've told him he isn't to watch TV today, but he's forgotten and I don't have the heart to remind him. He's had a terrible day. If that makes me a bad parent, right now, then I hold my hands up to it. I just can't face any more upset today.

The Dore exercises are progressing well. George hasn't complained about doing them and is trying hard. :o)

Taking the plunge...

Following an assessment at the Dore clinic last week, it was recommended that George start the programme. I have been following a number of on-line forums which discuss the success (or failure) of children on this programme. It would seem that a number of ADHD children have benefited substantially. There are, of course, those that have completed the course and have not benefited in any way. It doesn’t work for everybody.

George has an exercise regime specifically targeted to help him develop skills in areas where he has demonstrated a weakness. He has a set of three exercises, of which he must carry out two, twice a day. Each exercise must be done for a total of 5 days and then he moves on to a different exercise. At the moment they are quite easy for him, but we are focusing on the importance of control. Because they are quite quickly rotated I am hopeful that they will hold his interest and won’t become a chore for him. Also, when he has completed each exercise, I am hopeful that this will help to boost his confidence and he will start to believe that he can learn to control his actions.

It was explained to me that most children get worse before they get better, and I have read anecdotal evidence that backs this up. It generally seems to occur at about the 8-10 week stage. This is seen as a positive thing, because it would appear that for those children who initially regress, the long term outcome is generally very good.

Once he has mastered the physical exercises, he will be presented with some mental exercises which he must do at the same time as the physical ones. This normally happens at around the six month stage. My understanding of this process is that this will teach his brain to multi-task – this is something that he does not seem to be able to do currently and I believe that this may be the key to unlock his ability to control himself.

Currently, George has a very positive attitude regarding this. He really wants to try to help himself. We have a follow up appointment in six weeks time (and every six weeks thereafter) for further assessment, at which time his programme can be adjusted to suit his progress.

The Dore Programme is really still in its infancy, despite being around for a number of years. I watched a short interview today, featuring Kenny Logan, who has completed the Dore Programme to help with Dyslexia. He maintains that he couldn't read a word before he was 30. He said, with the help of the Dore programme, that he is now learning more every day. He learnt his vowels at 30 years old, has now learnt how to break down words (much like a child does, when they first learn to read) and feels that he is going from strength to strength. He explained how his Mother arranged for extra tutoring but even though he tried hard, he couldn't get the information to stay in his brain - he said he couldn't process it adequately to be able to retain it. George is not dyslexic, but I feel that there is some mileage to be gained by giving it a good try. Parents of ADHD children realise, quite quickly, that you can explain to your child how damaging their inappropriate behaviour is, but they cannot retain or process the information. We are often seen as poor parents because we know there is no point going on, and on, and on at the child. It won't make any difference because after 5 minutes they will have forgotten...... We can't spend our lives banging our heads against a brick wall, upsetting the whole family and gaining.... precisely nothing.

I am relieved that George has been accepted on the programme. At least I know that we are doing everything we can to help him. I have to be positive and believe that this will work. I hope that this positive attitude will help and encourage George to see it through to the end.

Pass the steak....

His frustration and lack of control is really getting out of hand now. He's managed to accidentally give his little sister a black eye. She wouldn't get out of his room, so he made her, and in the process she banged the side of her eye against the door handle. Screaming ensued, from both of them. She, because she was hurt and scared; He, because he was scared that he'd done her some serious damage. Thankfully the worst she will have is a black eye.... but one inch to the left and it would have been a different matter. I feel sorry for both of them. He can't control his actions and she has to put up with his lack of control. Thank goodness she is quite bright and also, very caring. Once she had stopped screaming and we were able to administer first aid (a bag of frozen peas!!) she told me that I should really go and "sort George out" because "He's very upset Mummy. He didn't mean to do it - it was an accident". By this time, he was howling, in his room. He got so upset, he was sick.

Both are sleeping peacefully now which gives me time to beat myself up. I ask myself if there was any way I could have prevented this happening and the only answer I come up with is to supervise him constantly. He's 11 years old and doesn't want his Mother following him around the house "just in case" he does something he shouldn't. I know he would hate it, and his logic would tell him that he can't be trusted and that would push his self esteem even lower. I know he will suffer, inside, because of this incident. As parents, we have to explain that his actions where inappropriate. This is what parents must do. I also know that by explaining how wrong he was, it will push him one step further down the ladder. At the moment, for every one step up he takes, his lack of control makes him move down two steps. He is, without doubt, a very caring and loving child. He was distraught when he realised what he had done and would have done anything to be able to undo it. I want to be able to save him from himself, but I cannot be there, every second of every day to second guess what he may do next.

10 days until we go to the Dore centre for his assessment. I'm praying they can help him.